Buddha Worm

from by Zach Sherwin

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One day I saw a worm on the sidewalk
Making its little way across the pavement
And I thought,
"Man, it's gonna get stepped on on the concrete...
I need to save it."
So I took out a credit card
And then a second credit card
And used those to scoop the worm up
To dump it in the grass in a nearby yard
It started flailin', fidgetin' and twitchin',
Pitchin' a conniption fit like it thought I was a pigeon.
I watched it convulse and twist and thought,
"What kind of pathetic defense is this?
Honestly, has it ever occurred
That a squirmin' worm has deterred a determined bird?"
And I shook my head as it jerked and thrashed
And then I set it down in the grass. So:

I say "You're welcome, worm"
Both for moving you to safety
And for letting you think your flopping scared me off
Thus allowing you to escape me
You musta felt like a bad mamma-jamma, kid,
Tougher than Rambo in his bandanna did
Worm, you're welcome for letting you believe
You were the Jean-Claude Van Damme of the annelids.
Oh! You're welcome, worm, you're welcome, worm. (x2)

I was deep in these thoughts as I walked on
Chuckling condescendingly
And I didn't look both ways as I hit the crosswalk
I just stepped out non-attentively and then SCREECH!
I barely escaped being struck by a truck
But I was hit with an epiphany:
I had laughed at the worm thinking it could fight fate
But could I control my destiny any differently?
Till then I'd been thinking that I
Was in a different league than the pink little guy
But I now had more than an inkling that either of us
Could be crushed in the blink of an eye
Whether by a pair of Nikes or a bus
Tomorrow isn't promised for either of us
And although we're dissimilar, we're the same, too
Then the truck honked, and I came to.

And I say thank you, worm.
You showed me humility.
Yes, your vulnerability reminds me
Of my mortality and fragility
And now I'm doing what I can to rid
Myself of an ego as big as a gigantic squid
You enlightened me, worm,
You are the Siddhartha Gautama of the annelids.
Oh! I thank you, worm, I thank you, worm. (x2)

So that's basically the end of the song...
But ladies, I will say that I am recently single...
So here's a few takeaways for you.
First of all, I'm kind and sensitive, I care about animals.
Two, I'm deep and philosophical.
And three, I have more than one credit card.


from Brutus, released September 6, 2016
Lyrics by Zach Sherwin. Beat by Andrew Singer aka Soce the Elemental Wizard (www.socetew.com)



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Zach Sherwin Los Angeles, California

LA-based comedian, rapper, and writer. “Epic Rap Battles of History” (YouTube), “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” (The CW), “Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell” (FX, FXX), “The Pete Holmes Show” (TBS), “America’s Got Talent” (NBC), Comedy Central Records, ASpecialThing Records. ... more

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