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lyrics

FLAG ROAST

It's a flag roast. I'm gonna roast some flags.
And I don't wanna show off, boast, or brag,
But you know I've got the devastating gags and jokes
I'm getting aggro....it's a flag roast.
I mean, I murder flags when I put 'em on blast
All surviving flags, should be at half mast.
Show me any flag, and that flag's toast.
Listen close, it's a flag roast.

I verbally defile banners in a highly vile manner.
Isle of Man, I demand some answers.
Am I looking at human legs with their hinges fused
Into the type of throwing stars that ninjas use?
Weird omage to choose for the pennant
Where you've also presented
The triple thong you apparently invented
But you do have the world's highest N.C.D. -
Number of Crotches Depicted - three.

I give Bhutan mad props
'Cause their flag's got such a dope mascot.
The symbol of their national heritage and glory?
Falkor! The Luck Dragon from the Neverending Story.
Come on, I'm just goofin', Bhutansters.
That dragon on your flag is an intimidating monster!
Although, he looks pretty frail and he fails
When you weigh him on the scales
Against this badass from Wales!
That's a way tougher dragon.
If THEY got to scrappin'?
Imagine what would happen!
I'll do some re-enactin':
[dragon fight]

Monaco's design is fine, but it was stolen
By Indonesia, Singapore, AND Poland!
Who all made the shameful decision,
To engage in flagrant flag plagiarism
Or “flagiarism.”

Flags get kiboshed.
Yanked like Vioxx.
Kiai-chopped.
Laced up like high-tops.
Here's Mauritania, which I call:
The Jolly Green Cyclops.

And not to make you blush until your cheeks're crimson
But the flag of Antigua and Barbuda
Gives a decent glimpse into what it'd be like
If you performed oral sex on Lisa Simpson.

Right? Like a first-person view? See what I'm saying?
Look, "The Simpsons" premiered in 1989
She'd be a fully grown woman by now.
This is not creepy.

"Did he talk about Lisa Simpson's vag? Gross!"
Toughen up, wimps. It's a flag roast.
Man, if flags had feet, they'd get their toes tagged
I put 'em in body bags when I roast flags
You should pity any flag that I zing
Cause dag, the sting must be agonizing
I'm that dude who will rag on your flag the most
Zach Sherwin with the flag roast. Uh.

I vex flags - no apology
And I'm ill with a sick burn, that's my policy
And I do it comically
And I got a big word to teach you:
The study of flags is called “vexillology”
I vex flags no apology
And I'm ill with a sick burn that's my policy
And I do it comically
So I put the “vex” and the “ill”
And the “lol” into “vexillology”

credits

from Songs You Need To See The Video For, released September 6, 2016
Lyrics by Zach Sherwin. Beat by Speakerbomb (soundcloud.com/speakerbomb)

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about

Zach Sherwin Los Angeles, California

LA-based comedian, rapper, and writer. “Epic Rap Battles of History” (YouTube), “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” (The CW), “Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell” (FX, FXX), “The Pete Holmes Show” (TBS), “America’s Got Talent” (NBC), Comedy Central Records, ASpecialThing Records. ... more

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