No E

by Zach Sherwin

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A rap song written entirely without the letter E, the most common letter in the English language.


“NO E”

Young Zachary...
Max on that track...

Think through your ABCs.
So you'll start off at A and wind up at Z
Now which of that group occurs most commonly?
A hint: it's A B C D blank F G
Now that writing symbol. It pops up a lot, right?
High profiling, always all up in a spotlight
Cool kid, in crowd;
Not who this hot shit is droppin' for.
This is for my not-so-populars.

CHORUS. It's for my Xs, my Zs and my Qs,
My Ñs, my Js, and my Vs and Ks, too
This is for my outcasts and misfits.
All my oddballs, nod your noggins to this.
It's going out to my Qs and my Ks and my Zs
My Ñs, my Xs, my Js and my Vs.
Go Watsky. Okay, I'm going to
Using only Y A I O and U.

WATSKY. So many things I can't say without you.
But back up, trick, this song's not about you
I swing my fist until a bully catch a fat lip.
You'll think it's a conniption fit from sniffin' catnip
As I run rings around a dingus I do cunnilingus
On a gymnast till that foxy lady hits a backflip. (Wooo!)
I'm sorry if I'm on that brag tip,
But your armada's nada and I'm chillin' on that flagship.
Baby, two can play at war.
I'm cruisin' on my unicorn and shootin' as I soar
It's stupid how I'm poopin' on you nincompoops
And scoopin' up my loot and scootin' out that door
So if a bastard calls you gross and got you glum,
You host a holy ghost - not hollow as a drum
All in all our flaws show what it's all about
So f ho-hum go dumb and just roar till your throat's numb

ZACH. So, um, I was that chubby kid at camp who would swim
With his shirt on, so no light could tan his skin,
Wishing his waistband was trim, and thanks to my pituitary gland,
I'm now a man and slim, but that pain stays with you - phantom limb.
Chantin' hymns for all my antonyms of big-man-on-campus gym rats
And pompous girls with pompoms.
For non-Don Juanitas and non-Don Juans who skip prom or formal
For abnormal sorts who don't play sports with jocks.
Non-conforming rocks
So if how you do you is too unorthodox for a box
Put a fist up. Box your way out. Hit it!
Mold's gross. Who would want to fit it?

CHORUS. This is going out to my Zs and my Ks my Qs
My Ñs, my Xs, my Vs and Js, too
Folks with asthma and physical handicaps,
Birthmarks, scars, and burns or dramatic family crap.
Going out to my Qs and my Ks and my Zs
My @-signs, my Js, and my Vs.
And last on this list,
All my library-living wordplay-loving kids.
Zach, smack it to bits

Gandalf, Houdini, Jafar....oh no!
What's wrong?
Gotcha, guys.
That was our plan all along.
Wizardry on a song with a magical trick.
What a hot collaboration.
Boom, this match is (e)lit(e)
Gritty hard diamond minds causing paws to applaud
Two shiny rock stars, two hip-hop g(e)od(e)s!
Whoa whoa, slow it down, don't talk bull and brag.
I'm sorry, man, I'm just chock full of s(e)wag(e)
Similar to a tail on a pig
Or a pug
From a pair of (e)mc(ee)s with a lot in common
Our skin and our skills
Don't allow rigid limitations to stop you from rising to difficult occasions.
Wow, so motivational!
Oh, without a doubt.
And now it's “P(e)ac(e) man”
And I'm out


released June 24, 2014
"No E." Lyrics by Zach Sherwin and George Watsky. Beat by Max Miller-Loran.



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Zach Sherwin Los Angeles, California

LA-based comedian, rapper, and writer. “Epic Rap Battles of History” (YouTube), “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” (The CW), “Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell” (FX, FXX), “The Pete Holmes Show” (TBS), “America’s Got Talent” (NBC), Comedy Central Records, ASpecialThing Records. ... more

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