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lyrics

PLUSH PIG

Plush pig, plush plush piggy
Plush piggy-pig, plush plush piggy-piggy
Quiet. Listen. Hush. Dig.
Shush....
Plush pig.

As a kid I had a plush pigger
I was little then, now I'm much bigger
I'm a grown-up. Not a mere boy.
And guys, my pig was a really weird toy.
This is ludicrous
But that plush pig had a uterus!
Her stomach had a zipper
And you could unzip it
And pull out three little piglets
Their mouths were metal snap fasteners
And the mother had snaps attached to her
And the little pigs had to nurse
So you could take a piglet triplet
And clip it to a niplet
And yeah sure thing
It taught me about birthing and nursing
But it's disturbing in hindsight
Cause you get how you played with the swine, right?

You went first
Unzip the mama
Open the womb up wide
And then
Pull out the first piggy
Wave it from side to side to side
And then
It's the second and third piggy
You pull them out to the beat
And now that you've delivered the litter
You gotta snap 'em on the teats!

You go snap!
Attach the first piggy
Snap snap!
And then the next piggy
Snap snap snap!
And then the third piggy!
Now get busy!
Do the plush piggy! You go

Shake piggy piggy piggy
Shake piggy piggy
Shake piggy piggy piggy
Shake piggy piggy
Just get jiggy
It's not tricky
Everybody's ready to do the plush piggy!

Oh!
Plush pig, plush plush piggy
Plush piggy-pig, plush plush piggy-piggy
Quiet. Listen. Hush. Dig.
Shush....
Plush pig.

Now maybe you're saying to yourself,
"Zach, it seems highly unlikely that
Any parent would provide their child
With such a bizarre plaything."

Well if you're thinking,
"Wait, no. Surely you jest.
Man, you made that story up
This is purely BS."
Well, I had my mom dig into my closet
And yes -
She found that pig and sent it to me USPS!

So, first, unzip the mama
Open the womb up wide
And then
Pull out the first piggy
Wave it from side to side to side
And then
It's the second and third piggy
You pull them out to the beat
And now that you've delivered the litter
You gotta snap 'em on the teats!
You go snap!
Attach the first piggy
Snap snap!
And then the next piggy
Snap snap snap!
And then the third piggy!
Now get busy!
Do the plush piggy! You go

Shake piggy piggy piggy
Shake piggy piggy!
Shake piggy piggy piggy
Shake piggy piggy!
Just get jiggy
Do the plush piggy!
Clip a little piggy to a metal pig titty!

credits

from Songs You Need To See The Video For, released September 6, 2016
Lyrics by Zach Sherwin. Beats: Upryz (www.upryz.com)

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about

Zach Sherwin Los Angeles, California

LA-based comedian, rapper, and writer. “Epic Rap Battles of History” (YouTube), “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” (The CW), “Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell” (FX, FXX), “The Pete Holmes Show” (TBS), “America’s Got Talent” (NBC), Comedy Central Records, ASpecialThing Records. ... more

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