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lyrics

VEST FRIENDS

"Vest friends" -
Everybody heard Jay-Z
Guess who's as big a word nerd as me? Jay-Z!
And if the slickest rapper ever to spit it can make a joke this corny
I really feel like he's kicking the door open for me
To dork out to my heart's content.
Jay's got me covered so it won't concern me
If you groan when I tell you
That I'm opening a cremation service
And calling it “Burnt and Urn-y”
If you're OK with “vest friends"
Then I think that you have to accept that equally
And it's not just puns -
This applies to all varieties of linguistic geekery

Like Jay has this song called “Threats”
Where he says that his critics can “duck sick”
If you switch the beginnings of those last two words
He's saying that his critics can suck dick.
The letters that Jigga flipped
Are my permission slip
To hit you with this description
Of what would happen when the late, great Dick Clark
Turned off a light switch: “Click! Dark.”

Now let's consider how Humpty Hump says,
“Both how I'm living and my nose is large”
In “Get Lucky,” Pharrell's like,
“Let's raise the bar and a glass to the stars.”
And MF DOOM says he “Holds the mike
And your attention like two swords”
Hearing these emcees double those meanings up
Gave me confidence to move forwards
And see if you'd be tickled if I said
That last night I got a little dehydrated
So I drank a bunch of water and went straight to sleep
Which is how I wet my whistle and bed.

Now let's talk Eminem
An emcee who I truly do respect
But with all due respect,
Spelling words backwards
Is a skill that he still needs to perfect.
I have a few selected examples to go through
First up: “Love is evil, spell it backwards, I'll show you”
But not exactly, it's off a bit
And the same for, “Cock backwards is still cock, you pricks”
These are errors that he ought to fix!
Or “Y'all are Eminem backwards – mini-me.”
I mean, he's a rap divinity!
Reversing words is a weakness, though
But it's more fun to join him than beat him so
I wrote “Spartacus.” It's a battle rap verse
And it spells “Suc at raps” if you spell it backwards.
Kind of.

Now let's switch gears fam
Talk about the Jay and Kanye song “H.A.M.”
“Hard As a Motherfucker”
And another such jam is “C.R.E.A.M.” by the Wu-Tang Clan:
“Cash Rules Everything Around Me”
And “G.O.A.T.” is a rhyme by LL Cool J
“Greatest Of All Time”
And you only live once
So I won't spend more
Of your life telling you what “YOLO” stands for
Well I have a song called “Flab Slab,”
About a chubby kid who learned to box so that he
Could stand up to his bullies and he reclaimed the name
To mean, “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.”

Or this Lil' Wayne line:
“Real G's move in silence like lasagna.”
“G” stands for “gangster”
Lasagna's “g” is silent. Fun!
Well, I also have a noodle wordplay to lay on ya
Think about the words “mac and cheese”
“Mac” is spelled “M-A-C”
Now what if that stood for “mac and cheese”?
How crazy would that be?
And what if THAT “mac” stood for mac and cheese,
And it just keep stacking back, and back again,
Like a nesting doll, or “Inception,” y'all
With that macaroni acronym - or “macaronym.”

And if you called THAT joke cheesy,
It would bounce right off me, not distress or offend
Cause I heard Jay say "vest friends"
So I feel invincible like I'm wearing a bulletproof vest,
Friends.

credits

from Songs You Need To See The Video For, released September 6, 2016
Lyrics by Zach Sherwin.

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Zach Sherwin Los Angeles, California

LA-based comedian, rapper, and writer. “Epic Rap Battles of History” (YouTube), “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” (The CW), “Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell” (FX, FXX), “The Pete Holmes Show” (TBS), “America’s Got Talent” (NBC), Comedy Central Records, ASpecialThing Records. ... more

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